Amra Pajalic

I did to you what someone did to me.

I took from you what someone took from me.

I know how it feels to be betrayed,

to have your heart slayed,

to be left bleeding on the floor,

while your love heads out the door.

Toughen up kid, cause that’s what I did.

I wish I had a take back,

a switch to erase the past,

not to carry guilt,

like a poison in my heart.

I want to stop thinking about it.

Beating myself up over it.

Toughen up kid, cause that’s what I did.

One day you’ll screw over someone too

then you’ll know what I now do—

we’re all savages wearing pretty masks,

but our primal nature always wins out.

One day you will become me,

you will do to someone else what I did to you.

So toughen up kid, and you’ll be freed.

You have been my inspiration

Ensured I complete my education

Motivated me to achieve

And in myself to believe

Taught me how to be a mother

Not to lose myself in another

Because of you I am a strong woman

Learnt to meet the world head on

You are who I don’t want to be

I am petty

And small

I don’t like me at all

I am cruel

And mean

Think I’m a queen

I am full of disdain

And hate

Go around causing pain

I am all alone

And I

Think I can atone

And wipe the slate clean

Sorry my queen

It is execution time

We said we would be friends for life

wrote the contract in ink

on our birthday cards

twenty years ago.

We witnessed each other’s births and

joked that our daughters

would continue our tradition.

But when the gypsy fortune teller

turned the cards you saw

the life you tried to escape

is the one you are living,

you turned away from me

ashamed that I saw

the truth you were hiding.

You think I don’t know

you are using chaos

to hide from the thoughts in your head,

but you wear your sadness like a raincoat

hiding from the world

as you try to forget the truth

the fortune teller forced on you.

Lady Misfortune visited me

shattered my dreams

dented my spirit

and you weren’t there.

I swallowed my words

learnt to write them down

to clean out the venom poisoning me.

When we were on the phone to each other

it was like we were having

a conversation that never ended.

But now the connection is

full of static and pauses as

we exchange meaningless words

wearing our raincoats of sadness

to shield us from each other.

You were a dream waiting for life

You came to life

You lived

I breathed in the life of you

I breathed in life for you

I breathed for you

And dreamt of the life to come

And dreamt of your life

And dreamt you

I listened for your pulsating heartbeat

I listened to your heart

I heard silence

You leave my body

You leave me

You leave

And yet I still dream of you

I still dream for you

I dream

***

I posted this poem earlier on my blog so technically I’m cheating, but it was when everyone was on holidays so no one probably read it then.

Life is great

Life is grand

You’ve got me to

Hold your hand

Best of all

When it gets tough

You can talk

My ear off

And when things

Don’t go as planned

And life brings

You bad luck

Just blame me

And your life will be

Grand once again

Vacuum the floor

Clean the chandelier

Bend, sweep, mop

Don’t give me excuses

Your kid, your career

Bend, sweep, mop

Your house is your showroom

It needs to be austere

Bend, sweep, mop

If your house is not clean

You are a failure

Bend, sweep, mop

Ignore your daughter’s pleas

For you to play with her

Bend, sweep, mop

Keep going until it’s perfect

You’re not finished here

Bend, sweep, mop

Pick up those shoes

I made myself clear

Bend, sweep, mop

And tomorrow begin again

Wipe away that tear

Bend, sweep, mop