Amra Pajalic

We’ve all been down with a cold, hubby, baby and me. Although baby copped it the worst with a chest infection. Finally starting to feel better and life will return to normal soon.

I discovered a tv show at my local video store and am hooked. It’s called Queer as Folk and its about four gay friends who live in Pittsburgh and their trials and tribulations. It’s kind of a gay Sex in the City and it’s fabulous. It’s also interesting how my perception has changed watching this show.

While I was never a homophobe I did find myself producing an internal reaction of shock when I saw two men kissing or physically expressing their attraction to each other. Seeing two men together was strange, an oddity and my mind filed it accordingly. After a few seconds I wouldn’t think about it anymore and I’d be able to switch off again and embrace the escapism of the show or movie I was watching, until the next time.

Interestingly I’d feel the same reaction of shock when I saw two women kissing, but it was milder. I’m used to seeing women express their physical affection for each other so a kiss on the lips is not a big stretch, but the only male shows of affection I witness in real life is heterosexual males showing affection in mock fights, or with bruising, hulking touches that in no way imitate physical expressions of love.

But after watching Queer as Folk, I’m now on Season 2, seeing two men kiss, embrace, or engage in any physical act is matter of fact. While the show is amazing in its writing, characterisation and themes, the best thing is that it depicts the gay cultural scene realistically.

Thinking about the way I’ve changed in watching this show makes me realise the power of television and its role in representing different realities and creating acceptance, and I say acceptance because I hate the word tolerance. Tolerance is touted as this whole great initiative that’s supposed to improve the lives of the disenfranchised, but to tolerate is to put up with. You can still hate it, think it’s something wrong, but you turn the other cheek.

We all live in our own little worlds, usually surrounded by the same kind of people as us. Not many of us put ourselves in the path of having our realities challenged. Life rolls on by like a train trundling on train tracks.

If there is something uncomfortable outside the window, we don’t look until we’ve passed by it, but otherwise we’re comfortable in our climate-controlled train cart. When we need to we step off onto the platform, knowing that this is only temporary and soon enough another train will come by to pick us up again.

Watching Queer as Folk yanked me off my train and now I’m riding a fluorescent pink train on diamonte train tracks. Everything is upside down and jumbled. My reality has been altered and I won’t look at the world the same way.

We need more bravery in television programming. Television has the capacity to open up new worlds for us and to normalise those things that are outside of our experience. I’m loving Queer as Folk and the best part is there are five seasons-so I still have more watching to do. If only I could control myself and stretch them out a bit more, instead of watching a season in 10 days.

Want to get a first five page critique by a young adult author and 15 year old teenager to boot. Check out Steph Bowe’s Super Awesome Contest.

As part of the Melbourne Prize for Literature a video was made of all of the finalists. These videos have been uploaded to You Tube so to see my video click here or to see videos from other finalists click here. I especially recommend Simmone Howell’s video. I found it hysterical.

Also I discovered an amazing website and feel like I’ve been slapped with a big dose of common sense. Parents I would recommend you all check it out. It’s called Free Range Kids and it’s about the way there is hysteria these days about kids being kids and we overreact to small dangers as a result we’re not raising our kids to be self-sufficient and able to tackle the challenges of the real world. I love, love, love it. Have a read and see what you think for yourself.

And Mai Wen has given me the Lemonade Award and I want to pass the love around.

This award is given to bloggers who show great attitude and gratitude. The rules for accepting this award:

• Put the Lemonade Stand logo on your blog or within your post.
• Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

In the past I spent New Year’s typing up lists of resolutions and goals that I would tape prominently near my computer. The goal would be that each time I sat down to write I would read my goals and resolutions and work toward achieving them. The reality was that I would then torment for the first four months of the year by reading each of my goals, and realising I had actually not done anything to achieve them. By the time May rolled around my eyes stopped seeing my list and it would only be at the end of the year, when I cleared my corkboard that I’d notice my list, read it, feel like crap, and toss it into the trash, before sitting down and typing out yet another list.

Now I’ve learnt better. No more lists, no more bloody goals, no more resolutions, no more torture, no more guilt. There’s nothing like having a baby to give you perspective. When you have kids in your life you realise nothing is in your control. You learn to roll with the punches, make fluid plans, and not procrastinate. So my new year’s resolution: live each day to the best of my ability, write when I can, and take it easy.

2009 has been the best year of my  life in so many ways: the birth of my baby on the 29 December 2008, the publication of my debut novel on the 4 May 2009. Both these events were much anticipated with joy and while they brought me a lot of happiness, 2009 has also been the worst year of my life. I have never been brought so low: motherhood with its sleep deprivation and unending demands, being a debut novelist and navigating the unknown world of publishing where I was so out of my comfort zone it was almost like I was on Mars.

I spent so many years anticipating the joy I would feel when I was published, practicing my interviews in my head, that the reality of being a first-time mother and first-time author, the combined pressure of both, the sleep deprivation and the stress, made it all a jumble of fear, helplesness and failure. It got to the point where I couldn’t wait for the publicity juggernaut to end so I could have some time to breathe, to remember who I am, and to think clearly.

These past few months I haven’t been writing and while not writing has taken me to a dark place, I also needed the time to learn to be still again, to enjoy my solitude and get back to myself. When you have a baby your every moment is consumed and the moments you have to yourself you just crave the oblivion of sleep it seems as if time disappears into a black hole and you blink, and a year has passed. So this year I am going to stop berating myself. Instead of focusing on all the things I say wrong/or do wrong I’m going stop, remember something positive, take a breath and smile.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope it’s a good one for each and every one of you.