A helping hand
Posted by amrapajalic77 on 21 June, 2009
I was on a State Library panel on Thursday with Arnold Zable, Raimond Gaitta and convened by Jan Sardi. I worked myself up into a frenzy of anxiety beforehand yet when I get on stage my anxiety just faded away and I found myself relaxing as the session goes on. So my goal from now on is not to get freaked out about publicity engagements anymore. I have to trust that my mouth will open, words will come out and they will make sense. I’m running a workshop tomorrow and am practicing what I’ve prepared and I’m going to believe in myself and be confident.
I used to find all this easier before Sofia’s birth, but now she’s always in my mind and I worry about her coping that also contributes to my anxiety. She and Fikret stayed home. I expressed milk but as usual she wouldn’t drink. She only had 30ml but at least it was enough to sustain her until I got home again. I’ve started with solids so hopefully in a few months this will be a non-issue.
Some really interesting realisations occurred from this panel. Raimond Gaitta is the author of Romulus, My Father and his mother also suffered from Bi Polar and he has a daughter who is a sufferer. He said that he prefers the term Manic Depression, which is the old medical term, because it humanises the illness more. And I realised that’s why I keep resisting using Bi Polar. It has no meaning behind it. Manic Depression describes the illness exactly as it is, the sufferer gets manic and then falls into depression. It’s not an anonymous label that has no meaning, it’s a real description and one we can all relate to. Who hasn’t gone through a period of mania and then dropped into depression. I keep feeling like I have to be correct in using the right terminology, but I’m not doing that anymore. I’m going to use Manic Depression, that’s the one I grew up with and most people know it.
Another great thing that came from this panel is a fellow aspiring writer got in touch and through some email correspondence has given me a lifeline to tackle Sofia’s sleeping. Sofia is great at sleeping the night through, the problem is getting her to sleep. We started rocking her to sleep in our arms the past month and it’s mutated to the point I have to lie down with her for naps and takes me hours to get her to sleep at night. Koraly hooked me up to a book about sleep strategies and she’s saved my life.
Hubby took a week off so we can sort out her sleep and last night we got her to sleep by herself, but man was it tough. We were both crying at certain points. Sofia cried two hours until she finally fell asleep. Part of the problem is that we were still picking her up to comfort her when she cried too much, which dragged it out. In the end we stopped picking her up and she was asleep within 20 minutes.We kept thinking there was a way of easing into it, but unfortunately there is no easy way. You just have to put her down and wait it out.
We’ve created a bedtime routine which I’ve written down on an index card and we’re just going to keep repeating the same thing every night this week and every nap. It’s a ten day plan and I’m confident in my success. But I’m also going to write down a daily routine and organise my life around Sofia’s sleeping. When she has naps, I go nowhere and this will be my writing time.
The tipping point came when Koraly told me she wrote a novel while her daughter was napping. Now that’s dedication. But it underlined how hit and miss my own writing has been. Plus the more I indulge Sofia the harder it’s been even to do regular household chores like cook or wash the dishes because I’m always holding her.
I have two more publicity engagements this week. Because I’m controlling my anxiety I’m getting excited about interacting with aspiring writers and readers and connecting. That’s always the fun part of these things.
Claire said
Coupla things…
One: A certain amount of anxiety before a presentation/workshop/whatever is actually a good thing. It means you’ve prepared and you’re running on high energy. Only when it affects your delivery can it be a bad thing.
Two: Re Sofia. And I hesitate, coz it’s different for everyone. By baby three here we were way too tired to be able to do the controlled crying thing…or any other thing supposed to make our life easier that involved hearing a baby cry. We had him in bed with us. We went to sleep in his bed when telling him stories (read: trying to read him to sleep). We moved over and let him into our bed when he woke up in the night, one of us going into his bed. We all got more sleep that way.
And, some years on, he is the most well adjusted of teenagers, confident in himself and very independent. Is there a link? Who knows? All I know is it was easier for us in the long term. And although at the time it seemed endless, it did end.
Claire
amrapajalic77 said
Hey Claire
I’m really happy with the workshop. I prepared, I practiced and I had a great time. Got a talk tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it.
Thankfully she only cried that much the first night and it was more that we were giving her mixed messages. We were paying attention to when she was tired and worked out she needs 3 naps a day and each time we put her down for a nap she cried, but by the end of the 2nd day she’s be asleep within 5 minutes. The second night she cried a little bit, and the third night she was out straight away.
But I’m also not going to be merciless about this routine. This morning she woke up at 5 am. I tucked her in and waited 5 minutes and she still sounded hungry so I fed her, spent a few minutes with her and put her back in bed. She slept until 7 and now she’s up and will be awake until 9 am, when her first nap is due. And I’m sure within a month she’ll drop one nap.
Now when we put her to bed and do our bedtime ritual she smiles and is asleep within a few minutes. Such a relief. But I also agree that each kid is different and you have to try different things and see what works. When she’s teething and been unsettled I’ve had her with me in bed and will keep doing that.
I see you have a workshop too in the Brimbank Festival. I was telling a friend who’s son is a very talented writer and will be passing on the word to a few other friends who have kids the right age. And I also just realised I haven’t linked to your website so will do that now.
Cheers
Amra
Claire said
There is a real rush when a workshop goes well. It’s fun to share what you do. It’s all a bit like the first day in a new job though, isn’t it? You have an awareness of the expectations and what your role is, but each time is brand new.
Yay for a more settled Sofia. Just wait until she is a teenager…then she’ll do things like my baby is doing…designing and making 80 cm high stilts and striding around the neighbourhood! (as if being 183 cms wasn’t already tall enough!)
Funny, it was only yesterday that I saw that you were also at the Brimbank Festival. I’m really looking forward to the storywriting sessions. Thanks for pointing people to the workshop, and linking to my website. I’m going to update that part of my blog soon and will add you.
Claire
Josephine Damian said
Hi Amra,
What was the book on sleep strategies? Or was that just for babies?
amrapajalic77 said
It was a sleep strategy book for babies and how to get them to sleep by themselves. I can email it if you like?