Amra Pajalic

Well Sandra Ruttan just tagged me to do a meme. The way the meme works is:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you (and I understand that etiquette calls for you to avoid “tagging” someone else who has already been sent the meme, if possible).

The book nearest to me is Chenxi and the Foreigner by Sally Rippin which is on my to be read pile. The page 123 paragraph is:

“Anyway, it’s good to see you’re catching up on your Chinese history, dear… would you smell this sauce, doesn’t it smell fantastic? Shall I open a bottle of wine?”

The people I tag are: Gabrielle Luthy, Simmone Howell , Jamie Ford, Lee, and Josephine Damian .

I just read this book and am in complete awe of the author’s talent. I saw this book in the bookstore and was intrigued by the title and it’s placing in the young adult section. I started thinking-is this really written from the perspective of a dying person, a dying young person. I picked it up and read the first few sentences for the blurb (I don’t like to know too much about a novel before I read it) and it confirmed my initial suspicion. I simply had to read it.

Downham is amazing. She has a beautiful, lyrical voice that cuts to the heart of the matter. It’s heartfelt without being melodramatic. As I was reading I was laughing, crying, and laughing again. Even though it’s a tough subject matter, it’s an incredibly uplifting book. A book that makes you feel more alive than you ever have, a book that makes you reflect on your life and the purpose of it. I’m preparing for bed now but I’m feeling full of optimism about tomorrow, about the promise that it holds and the things I want to achieve.

I tried to research the author and found this article and this review. I cannot emphasise enough how great this book is. If you’re looking for a read that will shake you from the complacency of life and make you take stock, make you feel, and make you want to bow down in awe at someone’s talent, then Before I Die by Jenny Downham is a must read.

It happened this morning. I stirred awake at about 7 o’clock with images for my next project. Which kind of sucked cause I didn’t get to sleep until 1 o’clock this morning. I tried to go back to sleep but after tossing and turning for nearly an hour 1 got up and handwrote three pages. Mind you they were crap pages, stilted and jerky, but it’s a start. I’m only working 1 day this week so I’ll really be able to immerse myself in the new project. I find it takes a while for the momentum to build and the most important thing is consistency.

It’s funny how the process starts. I’ve spent the last month getting watching tv shows. In some instances this involved 8 hours of tv watching straight, with my limbs aching from inactivity, but it works. The process of not forcing myself to write, of giving my brain some time off, makes me eager to dive back into writing.

And what was I watching you ask- Smallville. I watched Season 1-4 again and it was amazing, and interestingly I got sick of it toward the end. When you take time out from life and embrace escapism, there comes a point where you get eager to leap back into life, to do different types of activities and to embrace all the things you’ve been putting off because of fear. Well that’s what happens to me anyway.

So I’m feeling pumped. Things that felt impossible a month ago are happening. I’ve dreamt for years about having a house and creating a vegie patch. Last year I couldn’t move forward with any of my goals. I was working full time and had no energy for anything except getting through the days, but this year it’s different. Hubby’s been out in the garden every weekend, digging dirt, making planter boxes.

By the time Spring comes around in August this whole section will be ready for planting.

After ten years of living in flats and never having a garden, all this seemed impossible. We bought this house with this dream and it seemed for a while that it couldn’t possibly happen, but it is. It won’t happen overnight, but it’s the series of small steps that bring it to life. And the more you achieve your goals, the easier it seems. So I’m feeling really positive and excited about the future.

My goal for this year wasn’t just to achieve my writing goals, but my life goals and I’m on the way-thanks to hubby.

It’s been a month since my last blog post. I’ve been head down re-writing The Good Daughter and finally submitted it to my publisher on Monday. I’ve probably re-written at least 50 % of the manuscript and I do feel that it’s a much better work as a result and now the nerves are kicking in. I’ll find out what my editor thinks of it. Her first read-through was a gentle affair where she was giving me general pointers and not focussing on the nitty-gritty. This time it will be different. Everything will be pulled apart and judged. I’ll also know how far away it is from publication based on how much more work we need to do.

I was talking to someone earlier in the week and saying I can understand people who are overweight and lose the kilos, but have trouble reconciling their new look with how they feel inside. This is how I feel about my novel. For so long I’ve cut off thinking about publication and just focussed on writing for the sake of it, but now that my editor has the revised manuscript I feel exposed. It’s actually going to get published. I feel naked at the thought of my editor reading and judging it, and imagining other readers just gives me shivers. I think it’s like the feeling of stage fright. Most of the people that have read my work up until now have been friends and family, and in most instances I supplied photocopies. Now we’ll see if I really stack up and if people will be willing to fork out their dough for my work.

The process of reworking the draft was really hard. I’d kind of fallen out of love with the manuscript and had started tentatively working on another project that captured my imagination. Then I had to put a stop to that and immerse myself back in my manuscript. I’ve also re-read it so many times it was really hard to approach it in a fresh way. Once I started re-writing and creating new scenes and blending new ideas with the words already on the page, I was fine. Now I’m still conflicted about my next project. I want to continue with the characters from this world, but have a few different ideas about how to approach and basically have to write it out and see what works for me.

I also have a big list of things to do after revision. I’d pushed them all out of my head and put all my time and attention on re-writing, now that it’s time to revisit them I’m basically shitting my pants. I’ll be doing so many things I’ve never done before and be pushed completely out of my comfort zone. As a writer you get used to the part of having to motivate myself. That it’s all up to you and no one else, and usually I find this process liberating, but now it’s daunting. There’s no user guide, no manual, it’s just a matter of figuring things out, trying things. While I am a pushy, determined person in my everyday life, there are things I have to do that are quite ballsy. Things like design workshops, give talks, design a website, etc. It’s some scary stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited too, it’s just that I’m a person who needs to be in control, who’s a snail and does things at her own pace-but a lot of this stuff is going to be out of my control and I do have a habit of flogging myself if I don’t do well.

But I’m done with the negatives-the positive things I have to focus on is that my dream is about to come true-I will have a novel published. And I can now start my next project. I love that process of discovering the story, of waking every day to a blank page just waiting to be filled, of the moment where things start coming from your head and you’re in awe at the products of your imagination. Next week I’m only working one day-the joy of public holidays-and will have time start tackling my ambitious to do list.